Review: Orgy Time
Review by unkown author
In this hack by Grimlick, the creator of such notable hacks as “Ernie And The Muppets Take It All Off” and “Baby Maker“, the NES game “Burgertime” is transformed into a swinging sex orgy. If by sex you mean being naked and laying in a big pile of bodies… while being stomped on by a naked masturbating midget… that likes to drink coffee… I’m getting ahead of myself. Lets take a look at the title screen before jumping (or falling) into this here orgy.
Orgy Time by Grimlick
Lovely. He spelled Orgy Time out of crudely drawn genitalia. I feel sorry for the guy who made the G, twisting an erect penis around like that has got to hurt. I have to confess that I’ve never actually been to an orgy before. I know many of you have pre-conceived notions about me and what sort of depraved lifestyle I must live, and while there certainly has been much depravity, no orgies. Unless you count that one time with the…ummm… Anyway though, I imagine an orgy must have certain features to be considered an orgy. Cheap tawdry sluts, guys with moustaches who wear too much cologne, lots of mattresses, etc. Grimlick’s idea of an orgy is slightly different from the norm.
A sad excuse for an orgy
In the mind of Grimlick, an orgy occurs when a bunch of slender naked people lay on scaffolding and wait for a naked midget to walk over them and knock them off onto each other.
Is that really "getting it on"?
They don’t so much have intercourse when this happens, instead they bounce off of each other and knock each other down to a lower elevation.
The levitating orgy
When all the orgy-enthusiasts are finally knocked completely off the scaffolding, they basically just hover above each other, as if repelled from each via magnetic levitation, and stare into each others eyes. These people are dead to the world, they never move a single muscle on their own. Maybe this is a staged orgy at a funeral home involving fresh corpses? I don’t know, but to me, getting naked, laying perfectly still while being dropped from a height, then staring into the eyes of the same naked girl all night does not constitute an orgy. You’d think they’d at least swap partners once in a while, or engage in combinations of more than 2 people at a time. You don’t go to an orgy to stare into your girlfriend’s eyes, you go to get some strange, if you know what I mean!
Penis larger than both legs combined
Maybe it's an umbilical cord?
When he is walking his arms mysteriously vanish and it is revealed that his ridiculously massive member is actually protruding from the middle of his belly instead of between his legs. What the fuck kind of mutant is this? Why does he have a penis coming out of his belly-button? ROM-hacks throw strange shit at you, and most of the time it goes unexplained.
One thing was bugging me, this weird little midget with the misplaced organ looked awfully familiar…. It’s the Baby Maker!
Don't he look familiar?
It would seem that the ultra-virile freak from Grimlick’s “Baby Maker” hack has a second job managing orgies. It makes sense I suppose, the mother-fucker has to work 24-7 to support all those babies. That must be why he isn’t participating in the orgy, fear of impregnating even more women!
Your goal in this game is to make the naked midget walk around on the scaffolding and knock all the dead-beat orgy-participants off. This would be easy except that you are being thwarted in this task by a gang of what appear to be giant walking ribbed dildos lead by a giant walking bottle of KY lubricant.
Dildo Gang Member
The evil lubricant
This is a real baffler, you’d think the KY jelly would be a real help at an orgy, not something which disrupts it. The dildos I can understand though, they must be pissed that the girls are getting the real thing and feel left out.
If you find yourself surrounded by dildos, you have a few options for dealing with them. You can try to lure them onto a nude person, then knock the person down, taking the dildo with them. You can try to knock a nude person on top of the dildo, crushing it (what flimsy craftsmanship!). Or, you can jack off onto the dildo, stunning it temporarily.
Oddly, the amount of cum you have left is represented by a pepper shaker in the upper right corner.
These restore your, er, 'vigour'
Every so often, an ice cream cone, a cup of coffee, or what appears to be a flaming bowl of shit appear in the middle of the stage. If you can grab it before it disappears you get another load. I suppose knocking nude people down while being chased and masturbating at the same time really makes a guy hungry.
That odd, gelatinous midget
Each time you successful orchestrate an orgy, your little midget does some kind of a dance in which his arms fuse with his penis and for the life of me resemble a giant thumb protruding from his stomach. Seriously, this midget will have to fuck mares, because he’d split a human woman wide open.
Things are not always as they appear...
On the 2nd stage you encounter a woman who is posing differently, as if to say “come get me”. Don’t listen to her though, because apparently she is actually 2 midgets in costume, and when you knock her down to the orgy she mysteriously transforms into a male and a female midget, laying the wrong way for the orgy to work. Unless the male midget likes to jab the woman above him in the back of the neck and the female midget likes to lick the heels of the woman above her.
Bring your kids to the orgy?
Maybe this wasn’t actually midgets in a woman suit… perhaps what we actually have here is an asexual orgy! Think about it, it makes sense. No one seems to be fucking, yet somehow that woman split into 2 people….
Pickle is obviously a phallic reference
The horniest orgy-goer of them all
On the 3rd stage we encounter a new enemy, the pickle, and a new orgy-participant, the lower half of a bun.
... Wait a minute… Damn it, those aren’t new. Grimlick failed to change them, they are from Burgertime. It would seem that after level 2 Grimlick gave up on this hack. I played all the way to level 5 and there is nothing else. I’m guessing he ran out of ideas, because it would have been very simple to hack those 2 graphics. Shame on you Grimlick, disappointing all the masturbating-mutant-midget, dead-people-on-scaffolding, and asexual-orgy enthusiasts out there.
Same to you!