Madman Days: A Serious Story for BHDN by unknown
Chapter 5: Bathroom Walls. Serious Business.
The following day at 12:30 P. M., I was given the letter describing my punishment. The board members claimed I did not have any reason to be carrying what they call “multiple weapons”, despite the fact that I told them why. Then they kept inferring that what I call a “joke” website is actually a porn site, quoting this from the original home page:
“This site solely caters for crass mutilations that nobody else wants to deal with. 8-bit nudity and foul language for everyone!”
Furthermore, the letter went on to state that the board members were “disturbed” that I did not show any “remorse” for my actions. I would feel great pangs of remorse if I ran over a puppy or a small child, but supposedly writing on a bathroom wall is just as evil, so I am a monster for not realizing that.
I was banned from campus “effective immediately” that day, and can only return if I go to a psychiatrist and prove to the school that I am not a threat. Because nothing screams school shooting like non-lethal self-defense equipment and video game parody hacks.
I was only allowed to return to campus temporarily to speak to professors, talk to people in the financial and registrar offices, and sell back books. Even then, I was required to call the nearby police station to let them know when I was coming back onto campus to avoid legal entanglements.
A few days later I visited the police sergeant (who was a very nice guy, I might add) in that police station and asked him if the District Attorney was going to have me thrown in jail for the weapons charge. He looked at the police report and reassured me, “This is no big deal. Don’t worry.” Of course, since he is a police officer he told me “not to do it again”.
8 days later the police sergeant calls back and tells me the DA decided not to file charges and that the case was referred back to the school, and then warned me to “behave” from now on.
During my trips back to campus, I told any classmates I would come across about what happened and said my goodbyes. Some of the responses I got were:
“There’s all sorts of writing on the bathroom walls in the movie theatre in Downtown Pacific City. Why won’t the Pacific City police arrest someone there?”
“OH NO!!! Pepper sprays and a taser! You can seriously inconvenience someone!”
“Wait, they kicked you out of school for that?!? Why didn’t you just offer to buy the Windex ® and clean it up yourself?”
Funny thing, I did just that and they wouldn’t consider it. I actually reviewed the list of punishments I would of received, and among them were reparations and community service. But they decided to just ban me from campus. I was told by one of the board members that this ban was to prevent me from “being around campus property, especially the UC.”
I’ve pondered about why the school took such harsh actions to protect bathroom walls, and now I can understand their point of view. Monty Python said it best; every bathroom wall is sacred and every bathroom wall is good. Unless they were singing about sperm. I don’t remember.
I was forced to move back in with my parents and am a college dropout now. My family life is in shambles because of this, along with financial problems since it will take longer for me to graduate. My life is a living Hell now because some fat fudge-packing redneck janitors got butthurt and threw a hissy fit.